One time, I was the life of a stripper party... while avoiding all the strippers.

Four score and seven years ago... I attended a celebration at a friend's house. At this celebration, he had strippers over. I ended up playing the role of the illest Hype Man ever! When the dancers started doing their thing... I was doing most of the 'encouragement', by yelling some of the most ridiculous things I could think of. Here's one example of some direction I gave them: "Throw it in a circle. Come on, 360 it! Now, throw it in a half circle... Come on, 180 it! Now tic-tic with it. Lemme see u hit them corners. Gimme a trapezoid!" Everybody was rolling! I cant go thru everything I said, cuz I dont remember all of it. But I do know... it was all super ridiculous and it had folks trippin! I even cracked myself up half the time when I was saying stuff!

HOWEVER.... At the time... Me and Michelle (my Now-Wife) had just become Boyfriend and Girlfriend. So I didnt actually dance with any of the strippers or let them dance on or even near me. I stood in the corner by myself in plain sight and just screamed everything to them. After every couple phrases of encouragement, I shouted "My Girlfriend's name is Michelle! My Girlfriend's name is Michelle!", just to remind everyone why I was being so reclusive. I remained in that corner the whole time because I didnt want anyone to ever be able to say they caught me slippin. Everyone who was there could testify that I didnt touch and wasnt touched by any dancer, and I didnt move from my spot. Plus, I didnt know everyone there at the party. So if either of them happened to know Michelle, they wouldnt be able to report anything bad.

*End of story*

P.S.s
1. I no longer care to attend stripper parties or strip clubs. -- Neither MY Faithwalk nor my Wife will allow it.
2. Yes, I told my Wife this story after the night it happened. We are good.