#Tuestimony
*This is kind of my Father’s testimony I guess, BUT… since I was deeply affected by the experience and because I’m sure he wouldn’t mind me sharing… I’m gonna tell it. This story details the LIFE-CHANGING moment that made my Father decide to be active and involved in his Children’s lives, as that wasn’t always the case.*
My Mother and Father separated when I was a tiny tot.The three of us were raised by Mother and Grandmother (my older Brother by 5 years, my younger Sister by 1 year, and me). We saw our Father every once in a while, so it wasn’t like he was totally absent… but it also wasn’t often enough for him to have had a hand in parenting us. Pops was “in the streets” back then and didn’t put any effort into being around more or fighting for any kind of custody. He missed a gazillion school-related events that Parents were invited to and other activities we were involved in outside of school.
Okay… so… even though they were separated, Mom would still go see Dad on occasion. When I was 10 (my Brother was 15 and my Sister was 9), Mommy was pregnant with a boy. A year after that, Mommy was pregnant again with twins: a boy and a girl. At that time, Dad was still “in the streets” and continued to be involved with us Kids only on ‘blue moon’ days. BUT… Everything changed when I was 14.
Something went horrifically wrong with a “street deal” my Dad was involved in. Violence resulted and my Dad nearly lost his life. And by that… I mean Ambulance Paramedics weren’t sure that they could keep him alive during the ride to the hospital. And even the Doctors refrained from assuring the Family that he’d be fine, because there was a chance that he wouldn’t make it. The injuries he suffered required quite a bit of surgery and recovery time in the hospital… but he ended up coming out of everything just fine. While in the hospital, he had a lot of time to reflect on his life and his family. And he realized something and decided to make a change.
<<Here is the picture: My Brother was 19 and had already gone off to a college away from home. I was 14 and already working. My Sister was 13. There was an 11-year gap between us and the next set of Kids… I had a 3yo Brother, and a 2yo Brother & Sister (twins).>>
In my Father’s mind, what he realized was that he was meant to raise 2 boys and a girl. He kinda missed out on raising the first set, as we were pretty much already grown-up in our own ways without a lot of help/influence from him. So, when he almost lost his life, he realized he had three little Kids who were almost in a situation where they didn’t really know their Father at all. But just knowing him was no longer good enough; he wanted to be involved. So when he was released from the hospital, he made a decision to leave the streets alone and fight for the chance to be a “Father” to his Children.
The first couple years weren’t easy for me. Mom kinda gave Dad a chance and agreed to move all of us together into a separate house and we left Grandma alone in her house. So then in the new house with both Mom & Dad……. Dad tried to establish and enforce rules that we didn’t have at Grandma’s house. And oh boy I didn’t like that!! I started basing up to my Dad and putting my foot down and explaining how I had been the “Man of the house” since I was working and paying bills and changing my younger Siblings’ diapers and bathing them every night and all that. So, for the whole year in the house away from Grandma… I did notice Dad being a good, active, Father to my younger Siblings. But he and I didn’t see eye-to-eye when it came to him parenting me. Plus, Mom & Dad’s relationship with each other was still sour and only got worse. So, a year after trying to be together in our own house… Mom and Dad ‘separated again’ and Mom and us Kids moved back in with Grandma.
Dad backed off on trying to “Father” me and focused on doing everything he could for the little ones. He started going to Church with one of my Uncles. He received Salvation and invited me to Church with him. After attending a few times, I eventually prayed for and received Salvation and I joined the Church. I was 16 at that time and since then, my Father and I have had a fantastic relationship. He filled me in about the things that went on in his life when I was young… and the pain, guilt, and shame that he had for dropping the ball on raising his first set of kids. We had real talks about how appealing street life could be and how one could easily get caught up, esp with where he grew up. We talked about how the guy he used to be in the streets with (my Uncle) was the same guy that brought my Dad to Church. He shared with me some behind-the-scenes details between him and Mommy and their relationship. As best as he could, without creating super ugly legal battles with Mom, he did his best at being a Father to my younger Siblings.
I thank God that the enemy didn’t maintain a hold over my Father or take him out.
I thank God that my Father had a revelation that he had a meaningful purpose here on Earth.
I thank God that I was able to forgive my Father and let go of the resentment I had earlier on.
I thank God for transforming tragedy into triumph.
I thank God for the relationship that my Father and I have now.
#WontHeDoIT!